Despair
by Dark soul
Summary: Jubilee finds peace...


Rating:PG-13  
Summary: uuhh, it's easier to read  
Disclaimer: I own nothing except the poem  
*=memories  
'=thought  
BOLD=speach  
  
Despair  
Jubilee walked the sandy beach, the wind whipping at her clothes and face, throwing her raven, black hair in her eyes. She stopped to gaze out over the blue body of water. She'd grown up in her years with GenX but now, she was moving on. She sighed and sat down on the powdery sand. She pulled her jean clad legs up to her chest and rested her chin on her knees. The sweater she wore offered little protection against the biting wind but she ignored the icy cold and looked out over the horizon. Memories flooded her thoughts:  
* "hey Ev, what'cha doin'?" Ev was smiling at his approaching friend. "Nothin' Jubes, want to go and play Tekkon 3?" She watched him try to do the 'puppy-dog-eye-thing' and failing miserably. Laughing she said "As long as I'm Jin, he's moves are like, so cool!" She ran happily towards the rec-room with Ev in tow.*  
'Those were happy days. Before I knew the X-men and GenX, I never knew what real family and friendship was like.' A tear sipped down her face. Her sapphire, blue eyes looked brighter than usual. 'But memories are memories, not solid, you can't touch them or hold them, though how I wish I could. I loved him, maybe not as a lover but as a friend. An' I miss him; I may have been bitter towards his relationship with Monet but deep down I knew they loved each other deeply and I was jealous of that. Oh Ev, you must think I'm selfish but all I ever wanted was love. Sad isn't it, the constant need for attention, the attention my parents never gave me.' She closed her eyes and tried to push her thoughts away. 'Funny,' she thought 'my mind seems to be a lot darker these days, I even write dark poems; face it Lee, you're breaking. Under the mask your soul is dying. Everyone you care about dies on you, leaves you, or forgets you. Your parents, Cynjen, Ev and now Logan spends his every waking hour with Kitty. I don't know why I came on holiday with everyone else, should 'ave stayed at the mansion, could've brooded in peace and quiet.' A bitter feeling filled her up; loneliness. A dark hollow sensation. Perhaps it was the solitude of beach or the empty feeling that surrounded her heart that made Jubilee feel that way.   
She reached into her backpack and took out a slim, black notebook and a pen. 'Might as well write another poem Lee, it'll help ya vent your feelings, won't cure you but it helps'  
  
'Despair grips my heart with it's icy fingers,   
Freezing my blood,  
Chilling me down to the soul.   
The wetness I feel running down my cheeks comes from the core,  
My very being.  
The girl that stares back at me in the mirror, is like death,   
Her eyes hold no sparkle, no life,  
Only a distant gaze.  
She closes her eyes,   
The darkness swallows her,  
She smiles, I smile,  
Despair is no more,  
I feel no cold.'  
  
As she finished the last line a thought suddenly occurred to her, 'Is suicide really an answer to the pain?' A dark voice whispered to her in the depths of her mind, 'Why not? It's not like anyone's goin' to miss ya.' She placed her notebook and pen down on the soft sand next to her. She hefted herself up to her feet with the grace of a cat and walked to the waters edge, the water lapping fiercely at her boots, wetting the bottoms of her jeans. She looked out over the now setting sun; the oranges and reds falling on her face. Blinking she stepped forward, on and on the water rising, coming up to her waist. Her neck  
"JUBILEE!" The deeply accented voice didn't stop her as she took the final step, submerging her head under the salty waves. She didn't bother catching a breath as she didn't need to. She closed her eyes waiting for the blissful peace beckoning her. Her limbs felt numb and darkness was descending upon her. She didn't feel the strong arms encasing her small body, pulling her back to shore. She didn't feel the sand beneath her still body. In her mind she was back at the Academy talking to Ev. ' "Jubes, you were the bestest friend I had when I was alive but it's not our time to be reunited yet, you've got too much to live for. Search for peace inside yourself, not in death. Bye Jubilation Lee, until we meet again...."' She felt the numbness drift away from her mind and body, the darkness behind her eyes faded away. She opened her sapphire orbs, to look up at the darkening sky. She sat up suddenly coughing up salty water. She became aware of the red on black eyes of Remy Lebeau watching her. She looked up to meet those strange eyes. Blue met red. He reached out to her taking her shivering body into his warm embrace. "Jubes, don' ever do that to Remy, EVER again! You hear Gambit? Cause this ole cajun don' want to loose you.." she cried into his chest feeling a sense of release. Another thought occurred to her, 'It's funny how death makes you value life until it's nearly too late.'  
Gambit picked up the young woman and carried her back to the beach house, leaving the black notebook behind.  
  
note: this is dedicated to anyone whose ever felt alone and depressed; suicide's not a release, it's a prison.. 


End file.
